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FOOD RATIONING

Fear has struck the Celebrity household over limited food supplies. Most of the group’s shopping budget for the week was blown on fruit and booze, leaving them with few options over lunch. “I’ll have to have baked beans on toast,” Keith told the group, all seated in the lounge area. “But we haven’t got any bread,” Anthea replied. “Can we not make more bread?” quizzed Claire, but once-chef Jack shook his head: “No, we’ve only got self-raising flour.” As the group began to fantasise about a full English breakfast, Anthea hit them with some more bad news: “Yesterday I was counting the tea bags thinking we would have to dry them out and re-use them.” Jaws dropped. “Well I do a pot with two tea bags and then squeeze them for four people” Claire resolved, though even these stingy tactics wouldn’t keep them in tea up to Friday. “If we’re not careful we’ll end up living like members of the public,” Jack quipped, before venturing out to the garden to pillage whatever he could find. “Bloody chickens,” he said, eying up the birds clucking away on the patio. “I’ll have you in the soup.”