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"I Want To Live Like Common People"

When 36-year-old Jonty first arrived, it was his habit of playing with soft toys that riled his fellow housemates. However, since then, the museum worker has displayed a much more annoying habit: his penchant for passing wind!

The housemates are supposed to become model human beings this week, displaying perfect decorum in the presence of their peers. So today, Carole took the opportunity to subtlety pull Jonty up over the fact that he persistently causes noxious niffs.

"I wonder what else might be seen as being rude in the company of women?" said a mischievous Carole, giving a big hint about Jonty's unbecoming behaviour.

And the man himself was happy to supply the answer, replying, "I should think gaseous emissions," before waffling about lewd discussions and people who talk about their sexual conquests.

But Carole homed-in on the farting, going back to the subject of 'other bodily functions' and prompting Jonty to tell her more about the unsuitability of trumping and burping in front of others.

"Well, to release gas either from the mouth or any other area in a noisy and unashamed way, particularly if followed by a cacophony of manic laughter, would be considered to be unacceptable," said the museum man, trying not to laugh.

"No, they're not sources of humour, they're embarrassments and social disgraces," he added.

Oh yeah? Then why do totally crack-up whenever you let one rip Jonty?

Mind you, it's hard not to laugh if you're part of the hoi polloi, like wot we are!

<parp> He he.

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