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Derek's Gone Pretend-Stir Crazy

Derek showed signs of going mad this morning as he visited the Diary Room to tear some strips out of Big Brother. Watch out Bro'!

"These are the charges...," began the staunch Tory supporter, before detailing that he'd been denied a supply of new cigars and reminding that all-seeing one that the 'beautiful prose' he wrote yesterday morning hadn't been printed-out on a laminate as requested.

The professional speech writer was rather chuffed with his little poem, which was all about his Big Brother experience, and wanted it recorded in print for posterity.

"I think you should know there are other places much more, how should I say, more suitable for a man of my standing. I can get a much more agreeable landlord than you! You are just a cantankerous old fart!" whinged the oldest housemate in his usual semi-serious manner.

Blimey, he's just described himself there!

He went on... "My work has been complimented by the Poet Laureate himself!" ranted the wordsmith, adding, "If Shakespeare were alive he'd be banging that door down to get at my work!"

Then, in something of a 'Del's gone gaga' moment, the dry-witted 41-year-old even suggested that he'd rather have Science back in the House taking over as the omnipresent one.

Dear fellow, BBO recommends that you take a long lie down immediately; you appear to have gone totally insane old chap!

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